but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
