She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
