I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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