I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
