Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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