first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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