Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
