If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
