pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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