I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
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I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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