She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
