I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
