Moan for me like Helen Keller
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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