Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
