i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I love having hate sex.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
