Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Watching her eat just hurts me
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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