Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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