I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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