i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
