I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
