Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
