I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just pee around me
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
