i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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