Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
