I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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