Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
