im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
