I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
