Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
