You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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