1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
