I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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