I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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