guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
