Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
