i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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