yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
