Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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