he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
