answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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