im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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