someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN