i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
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My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream