I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.