oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.