I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked