it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
