And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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