he was CRYING into my vagina
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
