ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
