But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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