ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
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Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
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Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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