when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
