i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
