dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
how does that bad decision feel?
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