With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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