I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
