I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
