i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
