Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't deserve a penis
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
