Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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