Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
