just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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