I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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