I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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