Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
