you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
