1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
