for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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