just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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